Internalised PDA.

Myself and W have always been the kind of individuals who prefer to deal with our struggles internally. While some may assume that our lack of outward expression means we are not facing challenges, the reality is quite different. Our decision to keep our struggles to ourselves does not diminish the weight of what we carry; rather, it is a coping mechanism that allows us to process and navigate through our difficulties in a way that feels most comfortable to us.

It can indeed be challenging for others to comprehend why we choose to be so internalized in our approach. However, for us, this introspective nature is a means of maintaining a sense of control over our emotions and thoughts. By keeping our struggles private, we are able to protect our vulnerabilities and maintain a sense of dignity in the face of adversity.

Furthermore, the choice to internalize our struggles does not mean that we do not seek support or assistance when needed. It simply means that we prefer to first process our emotions and thoughts independently before reaching out to others. This process allows us to gain clarity and insight into our own experiences before sharing them with those around us.

In a world that often values external displays of strength and resilience, our decision to be internal may seem unconventional. However, it is important to recognize that everyone copes with challenges in their own way, and for us, this internalized approach is what helps us navigate the complexities of life with a sense of autonomy and self-awareness.

We are indeed skilled in the art of masking our struggles, a talent that we often employ throughout the various stages of our lives. Concealing our inner turmoil from others can become second nature, making it difficult for those around us to perceive when we are facing challenges. The common inquiries such as "How are you?" or "What can I do to help?" are gestures of goodwill from others, yet to our minds, they can be perceived as demands that we are ill-equipped to handle, triggering feelings of anxiety within us. This internal conflict between the desire to appear strong and the need for support can create a complex emotional landscape that is not easily navigated. As we navigate the delicate balance between maintaining a facade of strength and acknowledging our vulnerabilities, it becomes essential to cultivate self-awareness and seek healthy outlets for expressing our true feelings. Only by embracing our authenticity and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable can we begin to break free from the confines of our masks and forge genuine connections with those around us.

In our daily interactions, there is a subtle dance of compliance and control that plays out in the realm of our minds. When we acquiesce to the initial request, there is an unspoken hope that further demands will not follow. This dynamic reflects a desire to limit the number of expectations placed upon us, a form of self-preservation in a world where demands can feel endless.

However, this strategy of compliance is not always easy to maintain. The effort to continuously meet expectations can be draining, leading us to a point of exhaustion where we may retreat into silence, feigning ignorance of subsequent requests. This retreat into silence is a def

ense mechanism, a way to protect our mental and emotional well-being when the burden of compliance becomes too heavy to bear.

This cycle of compliance, control, and withdrawal is a delicate balancing act that many of us navigate on a daily basis. It speaks to our innate desire for autonomy and self-preservation in a world where external demands can often feel overwhelming. By understanding this interplay between compliance and control, we can better navigate the complexities of our social interactions and protect our own mental and emotional boundaries.

I find that as I actively try to meet the external demands from the outside world, such as work responsibilities, social obligations, and family commitments, my internal demands become increasingly challenging to fulfill. The pressure to excel in my professional life often leaves me neglecting my own basic needs, such as using the toilet, eating nutritious meals, and staying hydrated. Consequently, I find myself unable to engage in activities that bring me joy and relaxation.

The constant state of exhaustion that I experience makes it feel like time is slipping away without me being able to focus on self-care. Despite expending a significant amount of energy at work, I struggle to find the strength to address my personal needs once the workday is over. This leads me to rely heavily on others, like Phil, for support and assistance, which can strain my relationships and create a sense of dependency that I did not intend.

While I strive to find a balance between meeting external demands and tending to my own well-being, the reality is that life's demands are relentless and often overwhelming. As much as I wish to fulfill all aspects of my life, the truth is that there will always be limitations to what I can achieve. Accepting this reality is a crucial step in practicing self-compassion and understanding that it is okay not to meet every demand that life presents.

Living with constant anxiety can be an overwhelming experience. It's like carrying a heavy burden that never seems to lighten, even when faced with familiar tasks or situations. Despite having mastered certain activities countless times, the feeling of unease persists, casting a shadow over everyday life. This persistent anxiety can create a sense of perpetual vulnerability, making it difficult to let down one's guard and truly relax.

As a coping mechanism, we may come to accept this heightened state of alertness as a part of our identity. However, this acceptance also comes with a price - the constant feeling of being unsafe. No matter how much effort we put into preparation or training, the fear of the unknown continues to loom large, keeping us in a perpetual state of apprehension.

Our internalized system, designed to shield us from perceived threats, inadvertently leads us to conceal our true selves. By hiding behind this protective barrier, we inadvertently distance ourselves from others and even from our own authentic identity. This self-imposed isolation further reinforces the cycle of anxiety, creating a barrier to genuine connection and self-expression.

To break free from this pattern, it may be necessary to explore the roots of our anxiety, seek support from trusted individuals, and gradually work towards building a sense of security that is not solely dependent on constant vigilance. By acknowledging and addressing the underlying causes of our anxiety, we can begin to cultivate a more authentic and sense of self, allowing us to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and openness.